Dear Lost & Found,
I've lost my calling...my purpose and I don't know where it is and worse yet I don't know when I lost it. Its here somewhere though I feel it tugging at my soul. I feel somewhat like a chicken sans head bumping, and frantically flailing about - or somehow like I'm treading water in the middle of a deep dark ocean.
The irony is, the answer is here. I KNOW its been here all along. My dreams are shaped by the same magic clay night after night...its almost one of those rerun episodes of your favorite show when they've advertised on the radio and television commercials all week prior that its an ALL NEW EPISODE. Two minutes in, your left eye involuntarily scrunches up, your eyebrow tries to do its best The Rock impersonation and you're mouth is murmuring "what the fuck?" before you even realize what's happening. You've been duped...you've been had....been cheated...You've been here before. You saw this one LAST week. But here you are, caught in the middle again, presently incapable of lucidity to zap yourself out of your own rerun and into some kind of new, never seen before dream you can't repeat play by play.
The repeat is set in the same place as always....Mariposa. Hmm. My eyes are already narrowing. That dreaded town. Well that's not entirely fair; its got more to do with the cloud that umbrellas me there than it being the town itself. The town where I began, where I endured as a child and where I made some grown up decisions and landed myself into instant parenthood at 15. The place I couldn't wait to flee from at 18 when it was time for college. But more specifically, it was the mountain top where all that I can remember....began. Perhaps its necessary to note that at some point in my history as a young girl, this was the very location for my one and only close encounter with a UFO...balk....boo....hisssss....all you want. I was there...I was mature for 9 or whatever age it was when my father and I saw the football field, cigar shaped THING hovering nearly noiseless above our house just above the tree tops late at night while Mom was in town.
I'm not sure if that night became the inevitable catalyst for my curiosity and interest in UFOs and extra terrestrials and abductions and perhaps even my captivation with space and astronomy...but for as long as I can remember, I've been predisposed to be fascinated with all things involving aliens, sky, UFOs and the universe. The movie Communion, Christopher Walken, a man claiming to have been abducted by aliens and probed and memory erased, returned home on numerous occasions...it freaked me out in that train wreck-morbid curiosity kind of way....OMG, they DID kidnap him, probe him, analyzed his body and then they put him back in bed and erased his memory and did the same to his young boy....and yet he KNEW. Something in me, ALMOST wanted that to happen to me. I want(ed?) to feel that sense of connection to that unknown like he had even though his experience wasn't desired. Same thing with the idea of spirits and ghosts. I always knew there was an Indian burial ground on our property somewhere and that the fascination for spiritual activity was something that roused an excitement in me.
Anyways, whether that UFO encounter drove my curiosity for the unknown and the paranormal, who’s to say, but regardless, the preoccupation is always simmering low on the back burner. I always loved the Alien movies with Sigourney Weaver. Sure, the alien beings were fucked up and detrimental to the human race but it wasn't about that. It was a morbid curiosity for what could be probable. All rules are thrown out the door when it comes to what's really out there beyond our skies or what's here in a "parallel dimension".
But what's the point? To bring us full circle, my rerun....my sobering dreamscape falls back to that same mountain top. The mountain I know so well; yes, a part of me misses it terribly because it’s ME. It molded my very existence....and here I am trying to fake out an existence that doesn't behoove me. Again, the puzzle pieces are all laid before me yet the blindfold is still on and I can't seem to feel out the pieces into a picture that makes sense.
The dream unfolds some how, some way. The memory is patchy most of the time but the theme is there. The hilltop. Its either evening or early morning, but I'm suspecting its evening. ....now time out! Dream interpretation says: "To dream that it is evening, denotes the end of a cycle, aging or death. It may also be symbolic of unrealized hopes. " "To have a dream that takes place at night, represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. There are some issues in your life that you are facing, but are not too clear. You should put the issues aside so you can clear your head and come back to it later. Alternatively, night may be synonymous with death, rebirth, reflection, and new beginnings."
Ok....check....already a red flag...or at the very least, a point of interest.
Next....Often the dream has my important people: Mom, Dad, SO, BFF, child etc. Often my child is NOT present....not sure what that means.
Soup...add it all together....hometown, mountain, evening, important folks...and then paranormal significant event that could possibly effect all of mankind as we know it.
I've lost my calling...my purpose and I don't know where it is and worse yet I don't know when I lost it. Its here somewhere though I feel it tugging at my soul. I feel somewhat like a chicken sans head bumping, and frantically flailing about - or somehow like I'm treading water in the middle of a deep dark ocean.
The irony is, the answer is here. I KNOW its been here all along. My dreams are shaped by the same magic clay night after night...its almost one of those rerun episodes of your favorite show when they've advertised on the radio and television commercials all week prior that its an ALL NEW EPISODE. Two minutes in, your left eye involuntarily scrunches up, your eyebrow tries to do its best The Rock impersonation and you're mouth is murmuring "what the fuck?" before you even realize what's happening. You've been duped...you've been had....been cheated...You've been here before. You saw this one LAST week. But here you are, caught in the middle again, presently incapable of lucidity to zap yourself out of your own rerun and into some kind of new, never seen before dream you can't repeat play by play.
The repeat is set in the same place as always....Mariposa. Hmm. My eyes are already narrowing. That dreaded town. Well that's not entirely fair; its got more to do with the cloud that umbrellas me there than it being the town itself. The town where I began, where I endured as a child and where I made some grown up decisions and landed myself into instant parenthood at 15. The place I couldn't wait to flee from at 18 when it was time for college. But more specifically, it was the mountain top where all that I can remember....began. Perhaps its necessary to note that at some point in my history as a young girl, this was the very location for my one and only close encounter with a UFO...balk....boo....hisssss....all you want. I was there...I was mature for 9 or whatever age it was when my father and I saw the football field, cigar shaped THING hovering nearly noiseless above our house just above the tree tops late at night while Mom was in town.
I'm not sure if that night became the inevitable catalyst for my curiosity and interest in UFOs and extra terrestrials and abductions and perhaps even my captivation with space and astronomy...but for as long as I can remember, I've been predisposed to be fascinated with all things involving aliens, sky, UFOs and the universe. The movie Communion, Christopher Walken, a man claiming to have been abducted by aliens and probed and memory erased, returned home on numerous occasions...it freaked me out in that train wreck-morbid curiosity kind of way....OMG, they DID kidnap him, probe him, analyzed his body and then they put him back in bed and erased his memory and did the same to his young boy....and yet he KNEW. Something in me, ALMOST wanted that to happen to me. I want(ed?) to feel that sense of connection to that unknown like he had even though his experience wasn't desired. Same thing with the idea of spirits and ghosts. I always knew there was an Indian burial ground on our property somewhere and that the fascination for spiritual activity was something that roused an excitement in me.
Anyways, whether that UFO encounter drove my curiosity for the unknown and the paranormal, who’s to say, but regardless, the preoccupation is always simmering low on the back burner. I always loved the Alien movies with Sigourney Weaver. Sure, the alien beings were fucked up and detrimental to the human race but it wasn't about that. It was a morbid curiosity for what could be probable. All rules are thrown out the door when it comes to what's really out there beyond our skies or what's here in a "parallel dimension".
But what's the point? To bring us full circle, my rerun....my sobering dreamscape falls back to that same mountain top. The mountain I know so well; yes, a part of me misses it terribly because it’s ME. It molded my very existence....and here I am trying to fake out an existence that doesn't behoove me. Again, the puzzle pieces are all laid before me yet the blindfold is still on and I can't seem to feel out the pieces into a picture that makes sense.
The dream unfolds some how, some way. The memory is patchy most of the time but the theme is there. The hilltop. Its either evening or early morning, but I'm suspecting its evening. ....now time out! Dream interpretation says: "To dream that it is evening, denotes the end of a cycle, aging or death. It may also be symbolic of unrealized hopes. " "To have a dream that takes place at night, represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. There are some issues in your life that you are facing, but are not too clear. You should put the issues aside so you can clear your head and come back to it later. Alternatively, night may be synonymous with death, rebirth, reflection, and new beginnings."
Ok....check....already a red flag...or at the very least, a point of interest.
Next....Often the dream has my important people: Mom, Dad, SO, BFF, child etc. Often my child is NOT present....not sure what that means.
Soup...add it all together....hometown, mountain, evening, important folks...and then paranormal significant event that could possibly effect all of mankind as we know it.
